SPEAK TO ME

The government of Singapore invited Dr Gary Chapman to present the FIVE LOVE LANGUAGE seminar to a hungry audience. The Chaplain’s Office of NATO issued a special invitation for Dr. Chapman to speak to the NATO forces in Germany. Other engagements have taken Gary to educate in England, Africa, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, Mexico and Hong Kong. Sales exceeding 5 million copies earned him the Platinum Book Award. GOOD STUFF! But WHY would a single person, not in a relationship want to read this book? Single or married folks are all in relationships with kids, parents, co-workers and IF they intend on SOMEDAY entering another romance ~ then NOW is the time to PRACTICE speaking your native language, and perhaps a few more! The book is a REAL CLIFF HANGER! What language do I speak? After reading the FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES for singles these are my CLIFF NOTES! So hang on tight, don't fall off the edge simply because the word LOVE might have caused a pang! Just hang for a little while, maybe grab a cup of your favorite caffene to keep this summary vibrant and hopefully applicable to your LOVE RELATIONS! Parents, kids, mates, dogs and co-workers all are fluent in one or more love dialects. By getting your own AHA through compiling your own LOVE LANGUAGE PROFILE, you might just be able to mend or improve your ability to RECEIVE and GIVE a greater amount of the LOVE you seek. As Audrey Hepburn asks "Who loves you as good as your dog does?" A dog affirms his affection with an affirmative wag of the tail! And then Tony Robbins reminds us that 60% of our communication is non-verbal, 30% is our tone and our gestures! So wag your tail and smile more!~ FIVE WAYS to SPEAK the LOVE LANGUAGE of those you CARE FOR!~ Are you bilingual? Have fun discerning and learning what language your parents, siblings, kids, co-workers, friends speak - then become a BILINGUIST with POSITIVE IMPACT! Simply observe how your target kid or friend expresses love to others. Take note of their requests and complaints. Do they ask for more time together, for your expressed opinon, or that you would help them hang Christmas lights? Do they give tokens of appreciation in the form of flowers, cards, or baked cookies? Do they complain that nobody ever helps them, or that people at work just dont appreciate all that they do? OKAY you have gathered the STATS ~ NOW even if you are not like them, respond by giving them the thing they ask for, serve them up a cookie, run that errand for them, and text them a message of appreciation that they can keep! QUICK TRIAL and GREAT RESULTS! My son lost his dad in 2006 and his dad never spoke affirming words. An infrequent game of golf, with alcohol was the extent of their bonding. My desire was to speak LOVE in his language so that it would have the most significant impact. His way is to text, not call. Acknowledging his preference I texted: I appreciate how u make me laugh. SHORT REPLY: K. So I texted: Can I do some laundry for u? QUICK RETORT: NO. So I texted: What about a movie? REPLY: I will call after work. ~ What I learned was that Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service did not get his attention. My request for Quality time did! The GIVER receives the greater GIFT, but we both got blessed!
1) Words of Affirmation - Listen to the affirming words of others, do you readily receive, accept or ignore them? Those who never received positive affirmation usually do not speak words that affirm their loved ones. Thus a cycle of dysfunctional family relations begin. Both men and women have a need to be affirmed verbally. Dr Gary counsels those who were never affirmed to INITIATE. "Give, and it will be given to you." ~ OKAY, whadya say for starters! Call or text that person weekly and insert a sincere affirming word, like "Thanks for your help with..." or "You always make me laugh and I appreciate that." "You did a great job" or "Thanks for covering for me". If true, end each communique with "I love you". Some folks are great at communicating about work, their hobby, or sports ~ but when it comes to feelings...it is too internal. "We love Him because He first loved us" INITIATE sincere affirming words. The bounce back will increase your capacity to receive and give love! LOVE LANGUAGES can be really fun and thought provoking! What if you are a SAVER and you discover that your mates primary love language is receiving gifts? You really care for this person, but because you deny yourself luxuries for the sake of your portfolio, then buying your love interest a gift must be considered an investment in love. Proven GREAT returns on such a LOVE investment! Have FUN LEARNING how to best GIVE love!
2) GIFTS ~ A fitting gift says "I was thinking about you and I felt this would make you happy" In all cultures gift giving is an expression of love. A child picks a dandelion and gives it to mom, it was the urge to give that demonstrated a token of the childs love. "Picking out gifts is hard for me!" Love takes effort,
we must think of the person and consider their preferred love language, who they are, what color, music or activity they like. Do they like baseball, old movies, food, music, cars, lace? In a dating relationship, be sensitive to the response to a gift. Perceived meanings can be disasterous. Expensive gifts indicate deep feelings and if one has interest but is not ready to receive, the recipient rejects the gift because they are uncomfortable with an expression of love that does not mirror their level. A birthday is coming up - it is apt to simply ask "I do not want to surprise you or make you feel uncomfortable, so for your birthday would you be willing to accept....(name the gift) Parents DO NOT GIVE GIFTS without asking "Is this gift for the well being of my child or me?" The unspoken emotion of guilt is a counterfeit gift that absentee parents give instead of time, or words of affirmation. REMEMBER: Gifts are visual symbols of an emotional love. If a man stops wearing his wedding ring that is a sign that a marriage is in trouble. If a teen throws the new gift into a closet full of stuff, the kid wants the gift of your time, not the thing.
"Love one another as I have loved you" The best Teacher teaches by example, so He washed their feet. Then He enouraged them with words of affirmation to do unto others as He has done. What words of wisdom! He gifted His life that we may live abundantly in this life! Listen up and follow Me.
3) ACTS OF SERVICE ~ Wash their feet, the car, the windows, do the dishes or vaccum ~ but "Serve one another in love". A life of service is worthy of emulation and in each relationship at home, or at work ~ truly great leaders and teachers consider themselves "public servants". The reward of serving is seeing others benefit, smile, or witnessing how others "Pay it Forward". If people "do for others" because they are forced to, the charity of service is lost and it becomes slavery. Slavery creates anger, bitterness and resentment as it hardens the heart. "I gave --- everything. For 20 years I slaved away and they ignored me, even made jokes about me!" Those acts of service were done out of bitter fear, guilt and resentment. A doormat is an object you wipe your feet on. You can kick it, step on it for it has no will of its own. It can be your servant, but not your lover. People are not objects. Never say "If you loved me you would...." Coercion by fear is not love. True love finds its natural expression in acts of service. "It is more blessed to give than to receive". Baking cookies, cleaning ovens, fixing computers, raking leaves, or grocery shopping ~ all acts of service that speak "I care about you, I want to help you, please let me do this for you because I love you." The ME generation has been raised to be INDEPENDENT with a strong message of "Dont expect me to take care of you". Go ahead, do their laundry, change their sheets, cook them a meal --- Spend QUALITY TIME together and be thrilled knowing that they feel aptly loved while you the giver receive the greater gift of watching them glow! Men and women want TIME alone and time together. "We are all so much together, but we are all dying of loneliness." Professor Albert Schweitzer
4) QUALITY TIME ~ Together time does not only mean watching a movie together, or sitting next to each other on the sofa. Quality time together means giving your undivided attention to someone. We were created by God with a desire to connect, with Him and with others. Not just "hooking up", not just gazing into each others eyes ~ but partaking in an activity that both enjoy for the sake of creating a sense of togetherness. Playing a round of golf, or a game of tennis counts when both parties are aware of who they are playing with. Is it just a buddy or the most significant person in this moment? Are you listening to what they are saying audibly? Are you paying attention to their body language? Are you asking questions with a genuine interest about their feelings? Do you interrupt or finish their sentences? Do you express understanding? Do you show interest in their hobbies? Quality time produces a bank of memories that spring up in conversations of times spent together. Take time to PLAN activities together and deepen your love.
5) PHYSICAL TOUCH ~ Infants and the elderly both hunger to be touched, hugged, held, rocked, kissed! Our God created us with five senses. TOUCH, unlike the other four is not limited to one localized area of the body. As we are physically touched, tiny nerve receptors leap and carry impulses to the brain and the touch gets translated as warm, cold, hard, soft, yummy, pleasure, pain or "EWE"! If your primary love language is TOUCH, then when you are touched you feel the most love. If touch is witheld, people tend to isolate and doubts and insecurity rises. A tender hug to a crying child communicates love ~ but to a kid whose primary love language is touch, it will SHOUT I LOVE YOU! The same is true for single adults. If you clasp the shoulder of a friend who is hurting, your touch declares "You are not alone, I care." Love touches can be implicit or subtle, each require just a thought, a moment. Subtle touch could be just sitting close, or a daughter placing her hand on her mothers shoulder as she pours a cup of tea, or a gentle pat on the back. Explicit touch requires timing, respect, mutual consent and a private setting. When we practice communicating our needs, we give our full focused attention on how we best feel loved and this enables our partner to respond with touch that satisfies. Soft music plays, a candle is lit, and we choose to administer a foot rub, or a massage to communicate love. During courtship we develop our sensitivities to what they enjoy and our own. Then when singles marry, the love making is guaranteed to satisfy. A WORTHY READ, only if you desire to LOVE completely!